Silence is the answer.
“Did you do it?”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t have to, my body spoke louder than any word could.
My shoulder’s hunched as I looked at the floor awaiting this black hole to suck me in, it didn’t happen. The fact I couldn’t look her in the eye was the confirmation of my guilt, I was just awaiting the sentence. All the positive energy between us had been sucked out the room with that one question, all our memories in the rear view.
My silence was the answer.
I couldn’t deny that I had done it, she had the evidence in front of me.
I was wearing that shirt she bought me for my birthday so I couldn’t swerve that it was me but I refused to admit it with my lips. That would be snitching. All I could think about was who had sent her the video, who could be so cynical to go out of their way to ruin our relationship? I took it as people didn’t want to see me happy, jealous people trying to come between us by doing this.
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
The truth is: I came between us, no-one else.
My inability to suppress my urges for a couple hours was my downfall, I couldn’t resist once I saw her in that tight, curve endorsing black dress. Her exposed chocolate, melanin skin awoke my predatory instincts, the ones I thought had died when I finally settled down with my girl - they really hadn’t. I tried to stay away but that bum was calling my name all night and one thing led to another. I did it.
I bussed that nut.
That’s all it was to me, a nut. Nothing more, nothing less. But my girl didn’t see it like that, so now I’ve got to pick up not only the pieces of her broken heart but also try to put back together with her shattered self-esteem. It was only a trivial act, no more than a moment of impulse for me but it turned out to be the catalyst of a life of pain and trust issues for her. Maybe I could repair this, salvage what’s left of this situation but is there any point? She’ll never look at me the same again, my persona stained with a permanent ink branded “cheat”. The gig is up, it really is a wrap.
I didn’t even give her the courtesy of admitting with my own voice to what I have done.
My silence will always be the answer I gave.