My blog is a collection of answers people don’t want to hear to questions they didn’t ask.
― Sebastyne Young


Writing is not a hobby. It's the only way I get to shut up the demons in my head.
― Mark Maish


Prose is architecture, not interior decoration.
― Ernest Hemingway


Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.
― Unknown



I just don't know

I just don't know

Not being able to cope is a weird feeling. 


For so long I was the one who was organised and the one that everyone looked up to but now so much has changed and everything is strange. 


Finally admitting that I have issues was difficult but all I could worry about is how would people accept me with these issues? Would people think I’m not normal? Are they going to look at me the same?


That’s what my anxiety does to me. There’s never been a time where I put myself first because I’m too worried about other things. Some people will just say to me ‘just put yourself first’ and in my head I’m just going ‘lol’ even though I’m thanking them as if they’ve just cured everything.  


I can’t put myself in front of others. I can’t put myself first. I don’t know how to. I asked my counsellor how do I do that and she couldn’t really give me an answer. 


I’m stuck in this cycle of feeling like this will be my life forever. I’m not too sure if that’s the truth or things will change. I like to plan my future because it means I don’t have to think about what’s going on in my life now. 


I used to get engrossed in my work but that doesn’t help anymore. I don’t even do work anymore lol

So here I am worrying about my degree but I can’t do work like I physically cannot. I have no motivation or energy. I just can’t and I don’t know how to fix that. 


Idek why I wrote this. I had to do some sort of work. I had to do something so I felt less of a failure. That’s how I feel all the time, how do I fix that? 

I don’t think anyone has the answer and idk how to find the answer. Idk how I’m coping.